Saturday 25/4

Tim came up from Halifax to see my flat because we're thinking of getting a similar one at a different block. See, Tim's my new flatmate and he seems like a decent guy and I met him on Gumtree. I had originally planned to ask Tim to move in with me in my current flat, but because Dandara are pricks they've initially claimed that I wasn't allowed to do that because of the way my contract's been drawn up with them. This means that when Stupid Flatmate moves out, I'll have to move out too. Now Dandara says that they will let me stay at my current flat but they want to increase the rent by £50/month. They can very well stick it up their arses.

So I have asked/begged Stupid Flatmate if he would reconsider and perhaps give me a bit more time (because I have two interviews) and if he could delay his move by one month. All he could say was, "No, because it would be inconvenient for me". Fine then. I shall remember that. I'm like an elephant, I never forget anyone who crosses me especially if done on purpose.

After many agonising hours of pouring over our options, we finally settled upon a flat in the same development as I am living at currently, but it's a slightly smaller flat. I'm paying £312, and obviously for someone unemployed it is a lot of money plus the deposit is a killer.

Tim and I had to go speak to the Lady Boss of this estate company. Barbara (that's because she strikes me as someone who would have the name Barbara, but I don't know her name really) is your typical rich snooty old lady who smiles at you because she wants your money but exudes an almost intangible aura of superiority. If ever I was to become an old lady, I want to be like Barbara.

This is what we know about Barbara:

• She has a house in France
• She hates the French
• She does not usually work on Saturdays and made sure we were aware of this just in case we decide to be ungrateful for the hard work she's putting in for us despite us paying her to do so.

Barbara said, "It will be £150 for securing the flat and £150 for our agent's fee". Knowing that agents do fuck all, I said, "Jamie (my estate agent) said you're doing a special promotion, where it's now £100 for the agent's fee". She looked at me incredulously. "£100 eh? Well that will have to come out of his commission".

I win.

Because of all the stress and now I'm even more worried that I don't have enough money to pay for an advance (1 month's rent) and that I have two interviews coming up, I forgot to take my Cipralex, omeprazole, and propranolol hydrochloride (beta blockers) and as a result I have become a nervous wreck today.

Then during the night I met up with Graeme and we go play at Dukes and I have 1 Corona and 1 Peroni and he has 2 Coronas. For this I wear my Fred Perry t-shirt which sadly has faded slightly due to my over-use.

Graeme has just returned from an epic 2-week trip to Thailand and he regaled colourful tales of debauchery and visits to brothels though he swore that he did not have sex with any prostitutes. I believe him. This got me thinking, perhaps I ought to sell myself for sex. I have a problem paying for sex because I think it's wrong and if you can get it for free, why buy it? But obviously I am unemployed and perhaps it will be a good way of making some money because:

• Zero capital
• Instant gratification
• No taxes
• I may even enjoy it

What's not to like about it then?