At this point I woke up and had trouble going back to sleep because I can't sleep after having a nightmare.
Then at 0941 the following email exchange occurs between me and Brent:
Me: I seem to have made a mistake
Brent: With?
Me: I have put on Britney Spears, and now I am singing along to it. BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
Brent: Haha, I wanna see britney again!!!
This leads us nicely into the next highlight about the time I saw Britney Spears in a dingy club in Maidenhead last week. Now this club isn't your average club. No, it's worse than that. It's the club where you would take your girlfriend if you want to breakup with her after she informs you that she is 2 months pregnant with your baby.
Anyway at this amazing club, we find that we have stumbled upon a Britney Tribute Night. I was expecting a shitty act, but oh no. Run down clubs don't do things shittilly. They got the best Britney Spears impersonator ever (I've not seen one before) and she was good. So good that I start to believe that it is actually Britney especially when she said, "It's Britney, bitch".
I felt like I've been transported to an intimate gig with Britney just for her most loyal fans (me).
So anyway, she had two backup dancers with her, and I must describe them because I think they are essential to the story. One is thin and ugly, and the other is OK and fat.
- Thin and Ugly (T&U): She's an average dancer, probably a single mum who's been forced to reek out an existence by dancing for a glamorous woman (Britney). She hates Britney, but does whatever it takes to keep her job, including walking the dog (Fifi), wearing a see-through top, and learning how to play poker on long trips on their tour bus (they only do the Home Counties). But T&U is learning to accept that it's Fate which has brought her to this point in life despite her protestations, and Fate will not allow even the slightest deviation from it's carefully laid-out (some say obsessively laid-out) plans.
- OK and Fat (OK&F): OK&F is what it says on the tin. She's OK-looking but is unfortunately fat, due to her fondness of pick-and-mix. She knows that she is a good dancer and harbours ambition to join the cast of Mamma Mia but she knows she needs some exposure to the wider world. These include: learning how to hump a woman, learning how to fondle a woman's boobs, learning how to lap dance, learning how to expose your fat arse to crowds of horny baying men, and learning how to dance provocatively like she has no morals whatsoever. These are all true because these events did really happen. I was, of course, shocked at her blatant display of feminine flamboyance because I am conservative. She should only do this for me and not for other men.
(click for bigger images)
Cost: No more free time, No more going to the gym in the morning and meeting Greek God, not being able to marry Greek God and have his kids, clashes with me moving flats, not being able to go down to London on the 20th (I had a trip planned already), less time to apply for proper permanent jobs.
Benefit: I have a job, I will get money, I will have something to do during the day instead of the usual "fuck all", I will have some semblance of normality because routine is normality in my opinion.
See, the costs outweigh the benefits, but I suppose I need to attach weights to each of the attributes (which I have not done) and because attaching weights is so subjective, I may be stuck doing this a long time so I might as well take this job.
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