Thursday 07/4

And today is Thursday, and on this Thursday I feel worse than all other days, not because of my depression because I have learnt to accept it and that the escitalopram is working wonders, but because I have been struck down with a combination of the plague and swine flu. I suppose I must point out that my doctor doesn't think it's really swine flu because I have never been to Mexico, but consider the evidence:

• I spent 1 week in London. Now we all know that London's Underground is a hotbed for diseases, and with 2.95 million people riding it everyday, that's approximately 39.27% of the Greater London population. And there is always a chance that at least one of those 2.95 million people a day will have swine flu because there are people in South London who are infected with it. And they will have infected me too.
• I came into contact with Spanish people. We know that Mexicans speak Spanish, and Spanish people speak Spanish.

Anyway last night at 2130 I was ready to go to bed because I was tired of being ill, and we know that when you sleep you tend to forget your troubles. So instead of taking my traditional shower before bed (because I like being clean) I just washed my face and brushed my teeth. But at 2148 I hear the dreaded doorbell, and Stupid Flatmate's friend (and my mutual friend) came up. Let's call him Claudio.

I heard Claudio say, so what are we going to do for 10 minutes? I like Claudio, he's easy to get along with, and he clearly knows that I want to go to bed at 2200. But unfortunately he has to be good friends with Stupid Flatmate and Stupid Flatmate says something which causes them to play together on the xbox.

So I get angry and contemplate having a panic attack (I rule it out because they wouldn't notice) or perhaps an uncontrolled screaming rage at them (I ruled this out too because I am ill and cannot punch anyone), but instead at 2215 I go to the bathroom, making sure they heard me, waited 2 minutes, then came out again and said, "Please guys, can I go to bed? I am ill and I need sleep".

Stupid Flatmate: Hmm really?? [he frowns]

Me: Please [I beg]

Then I went into my room but I hear Stupid Flatmate grumble to Claudio (my walls are thin) and after faffing about for 10 minutes they leave.

Today I am still ill so I take a combination of ibuprofen (1200mg), vitamin C with Bioflavonoids (1500mg), and caffeine (100mg). Obviously this is in addition to my daily routine of propranolol hydrochloride (80mg) and escitalopram (now 10mg).

I have confined myself to my flat during the morning, and being bored as fuck, I log on to gaydar and manhunt, get bored, listen to Götterdämmerung, get depressed (as much as my anti-depressant will allow me), eat some Thorntons chocolates, feel guilty (because I cannot exercise when I'm ill) then go take a photo of myself to make sure that I can see bits of my abs.

So I go eat one more chocolate.

Then I decided I needed a shower, and whilst having this shower, I hear my computer making a sound indicating that a new email has arrived. I've been waiting for an email from this company for which I had interviewed last week, and suddenly this fear gripped me whilst hot water pours down on me. It was like a net just tightened around my chest and gripped my throat and things began to blur and I saw black and I closed my eyes really tight. And a thought flashed through my tortured mind, and this thought was that it would be nice if someone shot me right now through the head but then I realised that it was a suicidal thought and think perhaps the the anti-depressant isn't working, but suddenly those thoughts are gone and I get dressed and check my emails only to find out it was an email from Twitter.

....

I also decide that I want to infect Stupid Flatmate with my virus and solicited suggestions from Twitter. Most common was: cough on his toothbrush. So I did that. I also coughed on his keyboard and mouse and on his door handles and made sure some particles of saliva came out. I must mention that I was very pleased that some mucus came out when I was hard at work coughing on his door handles. Normally I'd be very disgusted at this but this time I smeared it liberally over his door handles and I know for certain that he will get infected. Or at least I hope so.

I wasn't sure if it would be better to cough up saliva or phlegm, so I texted my pharmacist friend: What's the best way to transfer the flu virus to someone? Perhaps via saliva or mucus? Which is more effective, and how long will a virus stay 'live'?

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