Wednesday 06/5

Last week was spent in London, Birmingham, and Maidenhead.

I won't say much about what happened in London/Birmingham except that it's for a job interview. Also, I managed to meet have coffee with James from Twitter, and he is totally hot, and he was going to take me to XXL on Thursday but unfortunately he had things to do on a Friday morning.

On Thursday afternoon I decide to step into the sunlight at Old Bond Street and wondered the aisles of HMV. And for this trip I wear my ____ cream-coloured khakis, Fred Perry shoes (which also doubles up as my gym shoes), and a green American Eagle polo shirt. At HMV I ponder buying a CD but a smelly man next to me put me off so I decided to walk towards Grosvener Square.

For anyone who's not British (even those who are British) who's not heard of the Grosvenor family, they own most of Mayfair and Belgravia.

Anyway, I walk past the American Embassy and saw a man in a jogger's outfit strolling with giant headphones and smoking a cigar. How fucking classy is that?

I must add that at this point I felt a great need to take a piss but I was determined to hold it so that I can piss in the toilets at Harrods, a 15-minute walk away. I made this trip successfully and in the process I saw a lot of hot boys working in Harrods offering anyone who would stop a squirt of their perfume. Obviously I stopped for one particularly hot one (but the perfume was awful—it was something by Ferrari).

Then I bought a chicken escalope wrap and ate it at Hyde Park, making sure to position myself close to some hot builders.

Next I walked past the back of the Queen's house (sadly she wasn't there to invite me in) and popped into this amazing shop in Belgravia called the Chocolate Society. I think this is one of my top favourite shops. And I want to live in Belgravia. Everyone is so preppy much to my delight.

Other things which I did in London (not necessary in order):

• Met up with Si
• Went to that gay ____ ____ gym in Oxford Circus / Soho where Aussiebums were the required uniform.
• Went to A&F against my better judgement because they only hire perfect male specimens and they make you feel so inferior. But they were so hot. I thought of buying a shirt because I saw someone at a shitty club in Maidenhead wear an A&F shirt tucked into his tight jeans (more on this later) which I thought was so hot. So to emulate him I needed that shirt, but sadly it costs £70 and we all know that I am unemployed.
• Went to the Tate and was confronted with a huge expanse of emptiness and I liked it very much so I took a picture:

I'll write up the trip to Maidenhead tomorrow. I need to go to bed now because I have swine flu. [sad smiley]